I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize