I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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