We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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