That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
