i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
