You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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