New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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