Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
This is the prime rib incident all over again
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
