Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
