It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
