just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
