My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
