So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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