Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
