good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
