It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
