I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
