I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
