new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
