so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
