dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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