don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
