You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
