the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
