Apparently you make a good broom.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize