somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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