I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
