Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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