Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
