I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
