If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
