When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
