so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
