remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
NoShamevember. You game?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
