Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She's like a pop up book from hell.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
