hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Please, let me fuck your mom
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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