Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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