i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
