Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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