hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
