I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize