it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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