I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
