i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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