No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
