Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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