i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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