I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
