I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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