this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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