I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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