I cut my penus on the lid.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize