its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
