we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
