I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize