Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
