is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize