Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
