New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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