I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
