Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
