Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
