My brain says no but my pants say off.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
