ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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