Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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