We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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